Kuek's at town now and I got her to buy the green ipod nano for me. But apparently the store has every single colour esp the green colour one. I'm settling for the blue one anyway, just when I swore to myself that blue will be the last colour I'll take.

IS.THIS.FATE.OR.WHAT.

I dont like being lied to. I hate you, you, you, you, you, and you. I'm the worst person you can ever lie to, because I can never change my fallacious impression of any of you. There comes a point whereby I dont even know how to rectify it as much as I want to. Dont apologise please. It doesnt even make sense to do it anymore.

The circle line is amazing. No startings, no endings. It just goes on forever.

It makes me crazy when everything gets too close for comfort. Maybe all of us should just roll with the punches and react to life’s capriciousness with equanimity.

终于明白当年你为何这么想逃离这个地方。时间，不一定能够封锁所有无奈与伤痛。我了解。

心跳，人人都听得到。

自己的心声，你听过吗?

你永远都会是那位在空中自由翱翔的空军。 离开了这世界疯狂的地平线。 我，以你为傲。

Everything would have be fucking alright, only if you all came clean with it. The stark contrast in honesty just made me admire xinyi's courage even more.

"Dont want to lie to myself."

Growing up just means you become better able at putting up a front to handle the situation at hand. When circumstances require you to be reticent, you speak not a word more than you ought to; when you're expected to display enthusiasm and fervour, you do just that. Even if it's not who you are. Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Conformity is synonymous with adulthood.

Deep down inside, we're all children who got onto the serious side of play-pretend.

Folded a paper aeroplane during the GP paper today. I will definitely fail GP. Just wanted to hurry get it over and done with. The seniors were all playing vball, basketball and tennis already. Seriously couldnt wait to fly out of sch immediately to embrace the holidays (which isnt very significant anyway). I need to take a breather.

Settled dinner at new york new york with isabella and I'm so angry they didnt let us have the cabin seats. I'm paying 7% gst yet I dont even get the freedom of choice in choosing my seats. Walked over to her place and I just lazed around. Couldnt play guitar heroes eventually! I seriously wanna play it! Got over to kovan mrt station to meet inez. She managed to buy a packet of ciggarettes which I'm very impressed cos I usually thought most stores had stringent checks on underage buyers or smth. Next time I'm going to try buying lychee martini off the shelves.

Gotta reach sch by 8am tmrw morning to get chayadi's macbook from him before proceeding on with gpp for the rest of the entire morning. Afternoon, heading over to ngee ann pri for ISLE stuff. I'm going to lure my mom out for dinner at marche cos I've been craving for its crepes since forever.

Like, I really felt scared. It was such a surreal feeling because I havent experience fear for quite a long time. I've had so many rude awakenings, but cmon this one is seriously maniacal okay. Super pissed off. But nvm I will own your disfigured face one day and I'll make you eat my dust.

Dont have anything major against the maths tutor, but it's awesomely fun to see the class bitch/gossip abt her. Plus james chia also, his one week urgent leave indirectly screwed our gpp.

"it might not be measles. maybe its AIDS just that she dont know. wah she in UK, scandalous ah"

Enjoy going to college everyday cos I get to hold the chio tennis racquet. Even though it has splotters of pink all over it, it's seriously damn pretty a raquet.

I used to force the ear plugs in, so I wont be able to hear the words. But I'm all grown up already and I dont really care anymore. These situations always hit the youngest one the hardest. I've been there, done that. Now what?

Life's been good except for james chia's sudden disappearance. I emphathise with his current situation, but I absolutely hate him for throwing away his reponsibilities towards us as if it's nothing. I dont even see the point in rushing out our gpp if he isnt around alongside with all the stupid conflicting issues the teachers have.

I need to finish up econs essay.

Though it's one day late, happy birthday huiling! I can never forget how much fun you had whilst turning my sleeping position for me, 180 degrees. Damn cute.

It's all about perspectives. Really.

"Maybe one day, I will."

8 seconds later, the convo box blinked.

"Yea, me too."

Rushed off to esplanade's recital studio after project smile's party. The play staged by the nus scholars club was really good. I like how all the stories unfolds and brings out the deeper meanings that lie within a simple wedding affair. The plot is seriously good, but thats a little wonder considering the fact that almost every crew is doing their honours in english lit, and what more- they are the scholars of nus, no joke. I went for the play just to support timothy, with no expectations. And I came out of it pleasantly surprised. Good stuff.

I havent gotten over some stuff yet and I really hope everyone else can be a little bit more sensitive to the things they say. Everything happened so fast and I dont even have time to register the change of momentum. It's scary to realize how much it actually matters to me yet I'm not even fighting for it. But then again, I'm sure there's bound to be better plans for the future.

Talking to isabella seriously screws half my life up because it always diverts my focus away from whatever task I have on hand. Without me, she drowns in sadness everyday . I inject vibrancy into her life, and her words can testify to this.

" you just cracked me up "
" you just made me happy again"
" you are seriously damn funny"
" you're damn funny, love you man"
" I need you to entertain me for the rest of my life"

Should have joined the joke club at the beginning of the year. Damn it.

Stayed back for a game of volleyball with the class. Super fun, swear. Played in the atrium and whacked the ball in every direction. Completely made a fool out of ourselves in front of sch. But its seriously freaking fun. It bonds everyone together hahahahahaha there were random people crashing our game at every point of time.

Had a revelation today. I've been living in a cave. I saw no.8 for abt 10 times today. And this is ownage, "the rugby guys said she is not pretty, but she has a very nice ass". Heard it and I almost wanted to spit my milo out. Academia beckons right now.

Lost one, gained one. That's life.

Training was pretty good. Had a testimonial match with the seniors and we got trashed, badly. But at least I managed to score a goal for our team and the pretty econs lecture girl cheered for
一转眼
眉头聚满乌云 me! Tried to do ball drills but I ended up catching air. The atrium's floor is slippery that I cant jump and land properly! Angry.


从来快乐悲伤都自己叹息
忘了我也值得被关心
一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲痛到
忘了要怎么喊痛

A new chi local drama is hitting yr screens next thurs. It has the best drama theme song I've ever heard. So damn good.

Miraculously passed the 2.4km run! I'm officially freed from PT. I hope I'm allowed to retake my IPU again, so I can upgrade my silver award to a gold. I promised to accompany mich baby anyway! I ran with the first batch which is absolute madness because it consisted of all the guys and their speed completely screwed my pacing off.

Supported the volleyball team at the a'div finals. It's the first time I really cheered/screamed for the sch. I was jumping around after the girls team trashed vjc to clinch national champions. Stayed on for the guys match against hwa chong and seriously, their banners are intimidating enough alr. Met jillian there as well! Damn long never see her, she's still as cute. Kuek and I were commenting on every damn thing during the match.

" the ball so low also cannot hit"
" they know how to play one or not "
" the ball just flew past her and she didnt even hit it. is she blind "
" why they anyhow hit the ball, they never learn physics is it "
" walao hit one ball only, he also can fall down"

And for the coolest quote of the day......

"should ask jasmine to go down and play la, she very good one".

I can be happy forever. Plus you can never guess whose picture I just stuck onto my wall.

Finally trimmed my hair today.Brother must be so happy because he has been nagging at me to do so for abt 3 months already. Now my hair's kinda thin and I have no idea how I'm gonna tie it tmrw. There's hardly any hair left to be tied. Btw tmrw's school consists of only the napfa 2.4km run (which I seriously want to get a grade D for) and one period of PW which is highly insignificant becos james has nothing to teach us anyway.

Brother brought me down to serangoon gardens for dinner at pow sing and I had frolicks as well. They didnt have my fav peach flavour.I am so angry I want to rip all the frolick badges off the wall.

This is crazy, I spent the weekends bumming around and havent started on any work yet. I cant do the national accounting tutorial at all. I dont even understand what the macro textbook is blabbering abt. Frustrating! I want to get the red iPod nano but epicentre doesnt carry it. Its quite funny how I tried to google epicentre's website and I've got all the earthquake-related stuff coming up.

Right. I just ended project smile at school and I'm happy because I mastered a few tricks. Couldnt get the turning of magic wand routine at first though it was the easiest trick! I think gabriel wanted to give up on me or smth cos he explained to me many times yet I kept screwing it up. But anyway! I got it eventually! I can twist my pen in the same fashion too! Hongyi was being irritating by showing off to me a particular trick he mastered. That made me annoyed cos I couldnt figure out the trick and he kept laughing at me. Suckz.

I sincerely hope I can pull off a miracle with my IPU for napfa tmrw. Gonna do lotsa planks/push-ups tonight. Kinda excited for napfa cos I can get to hear michelle baby scream her lungs out when she's doing her IPU. Kept asking her to lift her chin above the line while we were trying out the equipment this afternoon but apparently she couldnt do so and she ended up saying, "aiyoh I think I got no chin lah".

Although I have some issues against the sch's volleyball team, I'm actually quite excited for the double finals match this coming monday. Yeah both the girls and guys team got into the finals. It's great to have an enthu sch principal because he cancels your lessons at 12pm so that you can go down to support the sch team. Love his truthfulness also.

"I hope all of you will go down to support the sch volleyball team on monday. It is our school's only a'division finals match, whereas other junior colleges have finals everyday."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I feel like going out for a run now and never coming back. I dont want to see you anymore. You keep tearing the damn wounds open when it hasnt even heal yet. Just when I'm about to accept you, you gave me ten more reasons to hate you. You need to try and save yrself first before screaming for help. I'm too tired of you and your shit.

The other day during ISLE camp, I realized that the lights in the guzheng room were kept on for 2 whole nights.

"Wah, so guzheng think they got gold for syf then no need to off lights already is it."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JINLE I FUNNY RIGHT.

I dare you to dare me.

The NUS University Scholars Club is staging a production on the 22/23rd of May at esplanade recital studio. Do support pls! I'm not really interested in it but I'm going anyway cos I've got free tickets from tommy(the director of the damn play).Wanteng you confirm going with me right!

I feel so frustrated.I think I will fail the maths LT test, again.Heck it, I'm going to eat ice-cream now.

I am going to bathe and then start working.I need to pee.

Hate this, hate this, hate this.

Wanna die.

I got down to some one room flats in toa payoh this afternoon which was mostly occupied by the elderly. Knocking door-to-door, I just had a few questions for them.Nothing much. Yet doors were slammed, vulgarities were heard. Before I even uttered a word, they gestured for me to get out of their sight rightaway. The entire team felt really pissed off and dejected, everyone was voicing out their anger. But I had a sudden realization and said, "we had a bad day.but they had a bad life." No other complaints were heard for the rest of the day.

To me, home is somewhere I'll run to whenever I need a good dose of strength and hope.

Yet to them, home is nothing but 4 brick-walls pivoting at adjacent points.

-

Btw this post was initially very very long but I decided to just delete most of it, leaving the above parts. I figured that intriguing feelings like those I've felt cant never be justified enough by mere vocabulary words.

I survived a 3.6km jog. I ran at such a slow pace yet I was wearing the pegasus shirt, which has the word "speed" blaring out across the front. Ironic yes, but I think I wore the coolest shirt amongst all the other joggers. I'm thinking of getting this pair of adidas jogging shorts I saw, so I can wear it and laugh at everyone else who are still stucked with fbts. But in the event that I cant get the adidas shorts and continues wearing my fbts, pretend I didnt say the previous statement ok?

Tried browsing the geog notes just now but it was yet another futile attempt. I think I'm suffering from some kind of hyperactive disorder, I cant even sit still for 20 solid minutes. Its so difficult for my studying plans to take flight. I might really just flunk the upcoming exams. But I guess its alright since I'm a cool kid who can make a living out of delivering pizzas anyway.

Got an email from yufang just a few mins ago.It's the full itinerary/logistics list for tmrw's ISLE camp. I was supposed to come up with it, but the other 3 girls and benjamin finished everything on my behalf. I feel like a sucker seriously. I'm in the planning comm but its obvious I havent done my part at all. I promise not to whine abt anything during the camp, need to atone for my sins.Speaking of which, I havent packed for it yet.

I FAILED PHYSICS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM A FAILURE.SHOU BU LIAO.

Video-called rachel last night, it's great to see her moronic face again.She's fascinated by the webcam effects vaio baby is equipped with, just like everyone else. A pity there was some sort of technical glitch and she wasnt able to hear me at all. If not it would have been really fun cos I had so much things to say.But I did the i-love-you sign to her though! It's our signature move.

Got home from training feeling sweaty and dirty. Did some parts of the econs assignment and sent it over to kuek. I totally lifted everything off the textbook. I'm unable to answer any questions on elasticity based on memory work alone because I'm completely lost in that chapter, and dont even mention macro.I had a call over msn with isabella as well! She keeps sending me all the fashion-related links albeit I displayed strong displeasure over it. Isabella we've got to video-call someday soon ok! Need to show off my webcam effects.

It's 1156pm, a few more minutes to a new day.And I'm attempting to start on physics tutorial right now.

In the midst of econs lecture today, smth came to my mind. At least I have some kind of purpose right now.I need to stop whining abt every shit and start taking stock of my life which is currently in bad straits.

Never regretted, never will.Just watch.

I was feeling highly irritated because I cant do the tutorials on recurrence and mathematical induction.There's a test this coming tues and I'm all ready to die for it.My entire laptop is reformatted and I cant seem to find the "new tab/window" button anymore.The stupid college is locking up the side gate which I usually travel by, and I seriously dont see the logic.I've never ever entered the sch by the front gate before.I dont even know how it looks like.

Despite all the above shit, I'm feeling happy now.Because I saw this.

"To my very dear and lovely Jasmine! Here is your long awaited post that you have been waiting for. Hahahah. Yes yes, I miss english lessons with you, kitty ru and ong li. I miss turning around and hearing you tell everyone your very-extremely-not-funny jokes and seeing ong li's extremely funny reaction. Hahaha. I miss laughing at your randomness and I miss hearing you scold me for laughing at you and for not laughing at your damn lame jokes.

"Funny right, Funny right!"

Hahaha, you always say that. I swear that day you killed me with your mediacorp shit. Hahaha. You rock Jasmine, you rock."

Love you isabella hahahahahaha even though you make my life seem like shit in contrast to yours.I'm going to screw up my mid-years soon and you'll be flying to germany for a holiday.Nice one.And can you pls leave me offline messages with some kind of substance so I have something worthy to reply to?!

So apparently the school is now offering me a free trip to thailand this coming june.I'm told I dont have to fork out a single cent because my expenses are being paid for.Sounds good? I dont even know if I'm really serious abt the november ISLE trip, yet he's making me the team leader.I'm not even committed to it.If I've no passion in the things I undertake, I wont give it my all.And then there's also the upcoming preparation for the asian youth games which is like, huh?


There's still gpp and PI left to be done.I'm going to sleep now.

I swear never to play squash with sneakers anymore.Blisters all over now.I think kuek and I seriously have chemistry on court.You watch us play squash you will be mesmerized.I'm loving squash now, I love fast-paced games! It's physically demanding but its a good way to let out steam.

I cant do my recurrence relation and the olympic sprinter usain blot is injured in a car crash.I mean like if he saw the car coming shouldnt he do what he does best- run?

Ok.So I spent the last 3 hours polishing up my PI and it's still not done.It's already 114am.I've gotta meet the folks in sch at 10am later.I'm slogging on labour day.Nice.

People who can draw well-defined graphs irritates me a lot.I cant stand it hahahaha I need to hire someone to draw my graphs for me.